your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
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when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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