You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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