So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
