The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
