I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
how does that bad decision feel?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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