You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
