Please don't use social media to get back at me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
did you just send me my own nude
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
