He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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