You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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