um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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