Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
