Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
