idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
