If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
