i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My bed smells like the plague
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
