I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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