Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
