Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
