Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
