my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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