I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
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sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
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I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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