I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
