i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
