I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
