I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
