Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
