are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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