ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize