worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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