I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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