People in love make me want to vomit
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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