and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
