can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
