New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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