I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
