Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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