isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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