i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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