You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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