also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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