Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
