Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
