the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
