Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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