Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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