Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
