Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
