so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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