I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
