wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I had to cum in my sink.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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