She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
