so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So squirting runs in the family.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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