Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
