just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
