it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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