New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
