We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
