Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
