My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
