she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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