remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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