my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
