At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
