3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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