Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
