nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize