Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
