hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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