Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
