So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize