I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
