Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
