Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
