Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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