You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
