YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
