You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
