So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
