he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
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