he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
