Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
