thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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