He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
