That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
